This month in One Degree Shift (ODS), I provided teaching and coaching to help members reclaim the confidence they were born with. You were born self-confident, and if it wasn’t nurtured it was torn down. One thing that can weaken your self-confidence is limiting beliefs. Your beliefs are never neutral. They either move you forward or hold you back.
The first step to reclaiming your confidence is to identify all of the limiting beliefs, thoughts, or stories that you tell yourself about why you can’t do, be, or have what you want.
One ambitious ODS member (I’ll call her Lena for confidentiality purposes) shared her frustration with not having enough time to work on her passion and dream. She confessed,
“I have more or less quit doing anything with it, but I long to get back into it. I just don’t have any time, so I let it fall to the wayside. Why bother? I don’t have enough time anyway.”
Although I knew Lena was speaking about the reality of her experience (which was very real to her}, I could see clearly what was stopping her. Her thoughts about not having enough time represent a limiting belief. The problem is, as long as she is coming from that kind of thinking, it will continue to undermine her confidence and limit what she can actually achieve.
When You Believe Time Is Scarce You Will Never Have Enough
A scarcity mindset is one of the three big limiting beliefs that we change in my Soar to Success program. It is a belief that there is not enough of something. For example, “I don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough money. There is not enough of me to go around.”
If you’re filled with lack, insufficiency, and skepticism, part of you will say, “Why bother to dream?” You project your limiting beliefs, doubts, and fears into your dreams by saying or thinking the worst imaginable scenarios.
Lena imagined it would take about 10 years working at her dream full-time to get to where she needed to be. She expressed her concerns,
“I won’t be able to quit work for another five years, and I’m afraid I’ve just waited too long to get started. It all seems like a very futile dream, but deep down I truly believe I could make a real contribution if I could only do it. I’m beginning to think even if I try, I won’t have enough years left to finish.”
I asked her, “Are you ready to make a shift?” And she responded without hesitation, “Yes!”
“That’s a good sign,” I thought. Because in order for her to shift a belief, she must be ready to change. It is easy to think that everyone who talks about a problem is open to change. You’ve probably noticed that people like to talk about their problems, they want their lives to be different, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are looking for solutions.
I pointed out that the Doubter and Realist voices in her head were having their way with her and sabotaging her dream. Her Doubter tells her that she can’t possibly have what she wants and proceeds to give her all the reasons why! Her Realist points to all the obstacles in her way, pointing to its need for a strategy, a plan of action that she will commit to doing to overcome the obstacle of time. It is difficult to get started on your dream if the Doubter is overshadowing or the Realist is too strong a figure.
If You Think You Can’t, You Will Destroy Your Chances
We started by bringing Lena’s concerns to a conscious level where she has power over these sabotaging thoughts.
One simple way to do this is to identify what mentor David Neagle calls the “I can’t because” messages running through your mind.
I would like to __________, but I can’t because __________.
Here are some limiting beliefs shared by my Soar to Success participants early in the program. Each participant received one-on-one coaching and guidance each week to take serious steps forward. I personally coached them on how to make the shift to replace the limiting beliefs that blocked their way.
- I too often give in to laziness.
- I don’t have the money.
- I am not focused enough.
- I’m such a procrastinator.
- I failed so many times in the past.
- I never have enough time.
- I question whether I have what it takes to be successful.
You see, most of us have doubts at times.
What are the toxic messages running through your mind and sabotaging your dreams?
I explained to Lena that her belief that she doesn’t have enough time was keeping her stuck right where she was and prohibiting her from pursuing the dream that would bring her more joy in life. Most people know that unless they change, they will remain in dead-end jobs, mediocre and unsatisfying relationships, or other depressing and self-defeating situations. Still, many are paralyzed in the “I can’t because” messages and convince themselves that they are fine not having what they really want.
But, here’s the secret. You choose what you believe. Meaning, you can choose to believe or to have doubt. It’s your choice.
When You Flip the Script on Your Doubts, You Win Big!
Once you identify the limiting beliefs that are lodged in your subconscious, the next step is to replace them with a higher thought. In order to open to the possibilities all around her, I told Lena that she must change her belief.
Sometimes, all it takes is a choice to move from a limiting belief that will destroy your dream to a positive belief that will light the way. The simplest way to find that higher thought to believe in is to flip the “I can’t because” message to why you can. I asked Lena to find a higher thought to believe in rather than what she has been telling herself about her dream. I asked her to try flipping her belief into a new empowering belief.
For instance, if you say, “I don’t believe I can do this,” change it to, “I believe in myself.” For some, it’s a simple leap of faith. For others, it takes willingness, courage, and practice to embrace a new positive belief.
Here’s some new empowering “I can” beliefs created by my Soar Circle participants:
- God has placed this dream within me and wants me to experience it.
- I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind and heart to.
- I am a person of action.
- I am capable of living my dream.
- Everyone deserves to live their dream including me.
- I believe in myself.
- I can do this.
- I can find time to do all that I desire and/or deem important.
With beliefs like this, they were mobilized for action. The accountability and encouragement in smaller, more intimate groups allowed each participant to achieve numerous successes. At the end of our 10-weeks together, each one listed their successes since the start of the program and we celebrated them. Each of them filling up an entire page or more. ODS member and cheerleader, Sue Corbran experienced big wins! Read how Sue overcame low self-esteem and a lack of purpose and is now happy, confident, and taking the lead to encourage others.
Do the internal work to transform limiting beliefs to new empowering beliefs.
Then demonstrate your commitment by taking action. It takes courage to make choices and decisions that are aligned with your new core belief.
I left Lena with a strategy to help her manage the obstacle of time. A strategy is a plan of action. I suggested that she create a personal practice like this one: “Before I say yes to anyone else, I will make sure that I’m not sacrificing my own priorities and dreams.” I look forward to updating you soon on Lena’s success!
Remember it will ultimately come down to your choice to believe or not. Just talking about how you feel won’t change the outcome. The key to success for both beliefs and strategies is to take action… to act as though you BELIEVE.
When you act on your new belief, you will strengthen it, and your courage will get a work out too.
What limiting belief do you struggle with? Share your “I can’t because” message in the comments below and I’ll help you flip it to a new empowering belief.
One Degree Shift is a teaching and learning community where people connect and work together and grow together and as a result go back in the world and make a difference. As your coach, I will help you develop the power to express your voice, discover your true self, and align with your higher purpose. I call it following the melody of your heart. You will receive support from a powerful, like-minded community to encourage you to loosen the restraint that holds back your authentic expression. Then you can live a life that feels good to you, while making a difference in the world around you. Why don’t you join us?
Need more evidence that One Degree Shift is right for you? Join me for my free Wednesday WOW! webinar each month. These 30-minute power coaching calls recap key learning in our community. This month, I will share the steps to reclaim your unstoppable confidence and play bigger in your life. If your confidence and courage muscle is weak, you need to be there! Sign Up Today!